Part II of ? in my personal Sh*t My Professors Say series. Spring 2017 was a particularly fun semester, so it gets a post all of its own!

 

Spring 2017

You’re so awesome except in these three ways.

Who did Zeus do and what are the consequences?

If you want carnage, choose Ares, if you want to win, choose Athena.

Every time there is sex, there is progeny, ’cause gods don’t shoot blanks.

A goat’s not frightening, especially in the middle, but it. shoots. fire.

The internet is filled with vile, nasty, things, and maps too.

It’s not very hard to trick a guy.

It’s much more pleasant to look at someone’s ancient misery.

Menstruation is taboo, and I can tell because you are all looking at me like that.

Romans are worse.

Sacks Troy — as you do.

“I’m sure my sister would love to marry you.”

“Keep my blood, and give it to him when you think he doesn’t love you anymore.”

Somewhere, somebody needs to have sex.

You can’t trust women — but he killed their daughter.

Hey, you’re lonely, that guy is drunk and useless.

Basically, it sucks to be Minos.

Hero meets warrior princess and has to kill and/or sleep with her.

Poets getting in fights is always great.

Life is short, and a prerequisite for reading good things is not reading bad things.

In Greek historiography, you are a badass when you only have one eye.

They go kill other people and wish each other luck.

This is poetry, they just say it happened, without details.

I don’t think you can put pig sacrifice on your end-of-year taxes.

It was the 90s, people were angsty.

I’m going to always say it like that now, I don’t want to change the slide.

Global healthcare is a form of vampirism.

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